A New Height In Societal Evolution

Pregnancy pact results in lots of teen moms


Just as when I heard of the terrible events that happened at Columbine High School, I'm not surprised. One article I read quoted the principal as saying most of the girls were known to have low self esteem. A former student at the high school is quoted as saying the girls are looking for unconditional love.

It may be a gigantic leap, but I smell narcissism. I'm not talking Narcissistic Personality Disorder (necessarily), more like societal narcissism. Perhaps this is even projection on my part, but I have difficulty in believing teenage girls who have a healthy relationship with their parents would make this pack.

From my perspective, these girls are seeking to build something they don't have, but strongly desire: a place where they belong in a family. News articles report that the girls planned to get pregnant so they could raise their children together. They were building their own family.

While it's true teenage years are frequently difficult ones, I firmly believe if a child has a family in which she feels like she belongs -- whether she gets that belonging from a parent, a grandparent, aunt, older sister or even an unrelated mentor-- a teenager won't go to such extreme measure to create a family of her own.

Obviously there are more reasons than just narcissism for weak to non-existent relationships between parents and their children. Illnesses, whether mental or physical, certainly can take a toll.

For years blamed my lack of relationship with my mother on her working out of the home. My theory was, if she'd only been there, I would have had a mom. My theory met it's fatal flaw when I talked with another latchkey kid. His mother, a widow, *had* to work full time to put food on the table. His sense of family and love for his mother was strong even though his time with her was limited. He *knew* she loved him. It was a given, an indisputable fact, something he knew in the innermost depths of his being.

So, if it's not that parents are too busy working, or even too stressed as was the widow mentioned above who struggled to feed her children long before men and women received equal pay, what is it?

Narcissism is on a steady rise in our society. Thirty years ago women in L'Oréal commercials proclaimed that the product may be more expensive, "but I'm worth it!" said in a way that leaves no doubt as to the woman's sense of entitlement. Today we live with road rage, the most frivolous of law suits, children's picture books that explain mommy will look different because she is getting plastic surgery to be prettier, and the idea that if something offends us it should not be said, done, taught, on display and perhaps should even be illegal, especially in public. We are The Me Generation come to its fruition: The Embodiment of Narcissism.

Teenagers making a pregnancy pact? Why not? If it feels good, do it, right?

All In The Family

OK. I admit it. I am obsessed with this whole Mother's Day thing. It's the lack of understanding. Call it a cultural thing. Or, maybe a God thing.

Over and above the whole Mother's-Day-Thing, there are the news reports.

A woman is attacked by a pelican while swimming -- traveling to be out of town on Mother's Day because being in church on a day dedicated to honoring mothers, so close after her own mother's death would be too hard.

On the evening news, an interview with a man from Picher, Oklahoma describes how he, his wife, daughter and two grandbabies huddled in a closet of their house while a tornado moved the same house 70 feet. From his description, it's clear the value he places on his family, especially the little ones.

I must be from Mars.

To Grandmother's House We Go

Narcissistic grandparents. That's an oxymoron, right? I wish.

The first time my mother watched my children was a month after my father died. My father hated children so even had she wanted to watch them, it simply wasn't a possibility. They were 2 and 4 years old. She actually offered to watch them. It was only for a few hours while I went out to dinner. On returning I find out that she allowed them to watch a movie I specifically told her I didn't want them to see. She explained that they saw the video case so she *had* to let them see it. Not wanting to make a scene in front of my children, I mumbled an "uh-huh" and said my good-byes. Of course, she couldn't let it go at that. She followed us outside and made a big show of telling the children that I was unhappy with Grammy because she had let them watch the movie. It was the perfect end of me ever leaving the children with her.

My father, on the other hand, didn't bother to put on the allusion that he was their grandfather. He talked to the children only when reminded to say goodbye. He picked each child up once on the prompting of someone else. He made absolutely no attempt to have anything resembling a relationship with them. They were of no value to him. They only served to take the attention away from him or to annoy him by making noise. He literally sulked in a corner when we combined the celebration of one child's birthday with his.

Whenever I hear a grandparent lovingly describe spending time with their grandchild I can't keep my eyes dry. A few Sunday's ago, our pastor talked about a grandchild due not long in the future. He spoke of loving the baby, of holding the precious baby in his arms and getting to know the child, of watching the child grow and develop. What a wonderful gift for a child to have. I can't help but feel sad that my children don't have that same blessing.