"And Every Virtue We Possess"

Once God has begun the process of sanctification in your life, watch and see how God causes your confidence in your own natural virtues and power to wither away.

I've never heard anyone put this process so very well. Wither away they did and in an awfully painful way. My pride held on much too long, but God was faithful to rid me of what was holding me back even when it meant having to face a harsh reality.

It's taken a long time for me to appreciate the growth that took place those long years ago. The result is wonderful, though I couldn't begin to see even a glimpse of wonder while I was going through it.

My Momma Only Raised One Dummy...

...and, he still lives with her -- or so the irreverent saying goes. The "he" is my dad. He died nearly six years ago. I have yet to miss him.

Those may sound like the words of a monster, an unappreciative child who doesn't realize how good s/he had it. There are times I think that's me. Other times, I'm not so sure.

In no way am I qualified to say for certain, but judging by research I've done, my dad was a narcissist. He was controlling, grandiose, insecure, rage-filled, demanding, vengeful, a perfectionist and a liar. That's not to say he didn't have good qualities or that he was a monster. He was who he was and none of the rest of us existed except insomuch as how we effected him. I have no idea how he grew into what he did.

My journey to understand how being raised by a narcissistic father shaped who I am started six months ago. I've discovered a lot about myself in this short period. The discoveries have helped immensely, even while they've been painful. I am who I am, but that doesn't mean I must remain stuck here.