Sunday, August 3, 2008

The Narcissist's Only Child

As I read the title, it's unintended irony gives me a chuckle. Since in a narcissist's world there are no other people, just people-tools to be manipulated for the narcissist's pleasure, the narcissist is his/her only child. But that isn't what I meant.

Several times now, I've read comments from other adult children of narcissists (ACONs) about how being the only child of a narcissist would be an added challenge. Without siblings with whom to relate, compare, commiserate or whatever, a big chunk of perspective is missing. The thought was new to me. I very often felt alone as a child, and in a very real way, I was. Yet, there are many good examples of ACONs with siblings who were also very alone because their sibling was The Golden Child and/or narcissistic themselves.

I don't know how it works for other only children raised by narcissists. In my childhood family, I played many different roles, sometimes simultaneously. I was The Golden Child, a source of pride and honor to my parents because I excelled academically. I was The Scapegoat, the lowest rung on the ladder to which the responsibility for every bad thing fell. I was The Therapist, the one who would listen and empathize. And, all this seemed normal. Even today it's impossible for me to conceptualize that it could have been any other way.

Would having a sibling or two have changed my situation for the better? That can't be known, but it does make me wonder: was part of the reason I so desperately hated being an only child because, as the child of a narcissist, I was so alone?

2 comments:

Unknown said...

ha, holy shit, I stumbled upon your blog while looking for other golden children. I can only find support groups for ACON's that were scapegoats, so it's very refreshing to read your blogs, and I agree with you 100%. I was the therapist, scapegoat, and golden child depending on the mood. Oh well, I digress.

Anonymous said...

I am also an only ACON. And I was definitely the therapist and the scapegoat. I can count on one hand the number of times that she complimented me. I was never smart, talented, pretty, a hard worker, etc. Now, I have a daughter and son. And she has definitely defined them according to the Golden Child/Scapegoat roles. My daughter is a talented, beautiful prodigy. My son is "the most laid back kid" she's ever seen. The only time she says anything nice about him is when she feels that she has to so that she doesn't look bad. The favoritism is disgusting. She gets no unsupervised contact with them so that I can always be aware of what is being said.