The Narcissist's Only Child

As I read the title, it's unintended irony gives me a chuckle. Since in a narcissist's world there are no other people, just people-tools to be manipulated for the narcissist's pleasure, the narcissist is his/her only child. But that isn't what I meant.

Several times now, I've read comments from other adult children of narcissists (ACONs) about how being the only child of a narcissist would be an added challenge. Without siblings with whom to relate, compare, commiserate or whatever, a big chunk of perspective is missing. The thought was new to me. I very often felt alone as a child, and in a very real way, I was. Yet, there are many good examples of ACONs with siblings who were also very alone because their sibling was The Golden Child and/or narcissistic themselves.

I don't know how it works for other only children raised by narcissists. In my childhood family, I played many different roles, sometimes simultaneously. I was The Golden Child, a source of pride and honor to my parents because I excelled academically. I was The Scapegoat, the lowest rung on the ladder to which the responsibility for every bad thing fell. I was The Therapist, the one who would listen and empathize. And, all this seemed normal. Even today it's impossible for me to conceptualize that it could have been any other way.

Would having a sibling or two have changed my situation for the better? That can't be known, but it does make me wonder: was part of the reason I so desperately hated being an only child because, as the child of a narcissist, I was so alone?

Grocery Shopping Alone

One thing about being an only child is the necessity to learn to play by oneself. When I was eight, we moved into a neighborhood where most of our neighbors were senior citizens. I became very good at playing by myself.

The past few times grocery shopping, I noticed most people who were there alone were talking on their cell phones. Even some people who were there with other people were carrying on a conversation on their cell phone! At times, it appeared that I was the only one there who didn't have their cell stuck to their ear. I was alone in the grocery store even while I was surrounded by people. It felt strangely comforting. It was sad, too.

For me, grocery shopping is some time when I can be alone and quiet with my thoughts. I don't *have* to interact, I can just think and concentrate on my task. Sometimes I wonder whether we're losing our comfort with just being alone with ourselves. It seems for many people if they aren't talking on their cell phones, they're listening to their iPod or radio. When do these people take time to just ruminate? Have we gotten to the point where not having something going on in our ears is just too uncomfortable?