Books Trolling

It was a stroll through a bookstore that brought me to the idea that my parents were narcissistic. A friend clued me into the fact that my parents were different. He used the word "self absorbed" to describe them. Undoubtedly that's why the book Children of the Self-Absorbed by Nina Brown caught my eye. Reading it was the beginning of truly believing there was a problem.

Before that I was puzzled by the view I had of friends' families. My closest friend's parents were entirely unlike mine. They made special arrangements to celebrate my birthday and get me a present, even while my own parents didn't even bother to contact me at all. They remembered and asked about things that happened in their children's lives. They even extended that honor to me.

As an adult, my parents would go six to eight months without even as much as a phone call. Then, all of a suddenly, it was like they remembered they had a kid and they HAD to see me and tell me all about what was going on with them. This didn't include listening to what was going on with me. Then, after they had told me about their wonderful life, another six to eight months would pass before the next call -- unless, of course, they needed help or something big and inportant happened to them.

According to my parents, our family was ahead of the curve. We were what families should be. The explanation seemed perfectly reasonable to my child mind. It even made sense to my adult mind until I was in my 30's!

It's a sad fact that children tend to believe their family and circumstances are the norm. It took years for me to put together the pieces after watching friends interact with their parents. Before that, it never occured to me that things I took for granted as being normal were anything but. I still occasionally come across something I assume to be normal that isn't. Such eye-opening realizations add valuable pieces to my life puzzle.