Permission to Say "No"

As a way of saying thank you for help with the last days of my father's life, my mother offered my spouse and I a night out with another couple. She had a voucher for a free dinner for four at a posh restaurant in a nearby town. As a newly widowed woman with no friends she had no way to use it. She would be the childcare for our children and those of the other couple. This was after showing my kids a movie I'd specifically told her I didn't want them to see. Beyond having her watch our children being unacceptable, I didn't want to go. I hadn't seen the other couple in nearly a decade and the whole getting back in touch thing just was too stressful considering all the other stuff going on at the time. I knew I would stress for weeks beforehand and wind up a stressed-out mess even before we all crawled into the same car for an hour drive to the restaurant. Unfortunately she first offered it to my spouse who accepted the offer without talking to me about it. Ooops.

So, I took the bold step of calling her. I NEVER call anyone. I hate telephones and avoid them at all costs. I thanked her for her nice offer and did my best to gracefully decline. I attempted to explain it would be very stressful, but she would have none of it: it was already arranged; what would she tell the other couple? I hadn't anticipated her reaction, silly me, but I was proud that I was able to maintain composure. I apologised for the trouble caused by our decline. I suggested she tell the other couple that we wouldn't be able to make it, but that she'd still very much like them to go anyway. But she was already in a fluster and would have none of it: my not wanting to go was silly; this wasn't something stressful just dinner; etc. After more apologies on my part yet remaining firm on the decline the phone call ended unpleasantly. I don't remember whether she hung-up on me, a not uncommon occurrence, but I do remember being entirely puzzled. In order to thank me for my help, she was insisting I do something I did not want to do. A fascinating strategy, no?

That wasn't the last phone call on the subject, though. Oh, no. She called twice more to tell me how difficult I had made this whole thing for her. She had no idea how she was going to tell the other couple that we weren't going. Both calls ended with her self-pity turning to anger and threats of telling the people that I didn't want to have anything to do with them.

I don't suppose there is a reason why the sound of a ringing phone seems foreboding?

I don't suppose there is a reason why it's difficult for me to say "no"?