I've come to believe that many people who've lived with difficult or abusive parents develop an ability to read people and situations. I think it's a survival tool.
Some years ago, the church we were attending was without a pastor. From the first moment I met the new pastor, my gut instinct was entirely confused. I liked him but, there was just something there that I couldn't identify.
Given the theme of this blog, it's pretty easy to guess that I now think the man is a narcissist.
He's charismatic, magnetic, energetic and knows exactly how to work a room. The attendance of the church he pastors has grown greatly and continues to do so. He's very popular with people who don't know him well, or people from whom he needs support to accomplish his goals.
It just so happens my family was accidentally thrust in the way of him accomplishing his goals. It was a very bad place to be. The consequences were severe. Over time, I watched other people accidentally wander into his way only to suffer the same fate. Because he is The Leader of the church, he's untouchable. And, because he's The Leader of the church, often his work is done in a way that assures him Plausible Deniability. It's an ugly thing to see in a place that supposed to be God's church.
There have always been false prophets, charlatans and those who attempt to use a position of spiritual authority to further their own aims. Every time I think of the number of people this pastor has hurt or the people he's led astray, I feel a guilt for not having done something to allow other people to see the situation, plausible deniability or not. At the time, I didn't speak up because it was something I believed needed to work out in private, not broadcast. It was only after months had passed that I understood that there would be nothing worked out.
This is another place where I find myself getting caught with church issues. I've attended quite a few churches over the years, but this church was the first that I found where problems with the head pastor could not be addressed. Yes, there's a board comprised mostly of wealthy and/or highly respected people in the community. With these people, the pastor is an entirely different person. Out comes the charm, charisma and the Humble Servant of God Suit.
It could very well be that this man is the first narcissistic pastor I've run across. In that alone there is hope. Still, it troubles me that there are all these people who trust him and look to him for spiritual advice. It's at times like these that I pray Micah 6:8 for this pastor.
He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.
Micah 6:8 (NIV)
2 comments:
Good choice of verses to pray. Hmm... my experience has been that there are more narcissists in pulpits than people know. The religious power/authority aspect of it attracts narcissists. My last pastor was/is a malignant narcissist. The things he has done and is doing are beyond belief. Yet he has a loyal following who will not believe that he is culpable.
We cannot make people see what they do not want to see. I think that those raised in it (narcissistic abuse), are better able to see it. I attended this church for 7 years, and even became a leader - all the time having a nagging feeling that something was not right. But, being raised by a narcissist, I automatically assumed he problem was me. ;-)
We had a 10 year adventure with a narcissist pastor in a Word of Faith church, a movement that seems to have a number of narcissist leaders.
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