I awoke just before sunrise this morning. I'm blessed to have a balcony off my bedroom and I wandered outside to enjoy the beautiful morning. All was quiet. Occasionally I could hear a car pass on a road on the other side of our woods. Birds of all kinds were singing their songs. A hint of colour was forming on the horizon. What an incredible creation!
I was lost in the birds songs when I heard an odd click behind me. I went back to listening to the birds, then I heard the click again. When I turned around to see where the noise came from. All I saw was a mockingbird standing next to a chimney on the roof. There just happens to be a nest in the chimney.
The bird clicked again, and then flew to a tree on the edge of the woods. There the mockingbird began to make an incredible racket. I enjoyed the fruit of it's distracting technique. I lost count at somewhere over a dozen different calls. It was quite impressive.
It's only been a bit over six months since I first learned of NPD. I still tend to see interactions through a lens coloured by the discovery of narcissism.
As I listened to the mockingbird's cacophony, I reflected how it was protecting it's young. It was behaving like a good parent should. My parents protected me from harm, sometimes this required great effort. Yet, I don't think of my parents as good parents. (Even typing that feels uncomfortable, but deep down I know it to be true.)
On reflection my mockingbird was only behaving according to its God-given instincts. It wasn't trying to distract me away from its nest out of love for its offspring. There was no reason involved, perhaps not even a decision per se.
So where am I going with this? I have absolutely no idea, but I know I will look differently at animals as they parent their young. They go through the motions, but it has nothing to do with love.
It's Been A Long Time...
4 years ago
2 comments:
"My parents protected me from harm, sometimes this required great effort. Yet, I don't think of my parents as good parents. (Even typing that feels uncomfortable, but deep down I know it to be true.)"
Hmm... a good deal of what I type on my blog feels uncomfortable - but it is all true... There are times (like just before I read your blog, for instance ;-). that I wonder if I am just making too big a deal of it all and ... blah, blah, blah. Yet those who read my story express shock and offer consoling words and do not hesitate to call it abuse.
But it is still hard for me to name it. That doesn't mean it is not what it is - it is just very hard to shift around and take hold of it in my head. One of the things I was advised to do that is very effective is to step back and imagine how I would feel if I saw someone doing to their child what was done to me - treating their child the way I was treated. If it is abuse for them...
For me, it has been (and still very much is) a gradual process punctuated with occasional 'aha!' moments. I rooting for you, and for us all...
Love,
Katherine
I, too, wonder if I'm making too big a deal of it all. I guess where I get stuck is that every child is different. What's appropriate for one child, isn't for another.....obviously at some point that isn't true. My problem is identifying where the line is.
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